10 Days Left Till It’s Over
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| No, I don’t think it will be over, but the way I think about things will change once I hit my 40th birthday April 27. All my other birthdays I never thought twice about — my 30th I did take note of where I was and what I was doing, but from my recent move to California and new work I felt I was doing fine. Add ten years to that and I am not happy with my life. In that ten years I have not made any achievements. Though I had my share of failures. Disastrous failures and loses. Am I embarrassed that I am back in school now, instead of being ask to be an instructor of a career I should be a master at. No – the computer world of art is a fast pace one, and to really take root and understand the changes thats hard work and an understanding of the field. Changing a career at this point in life is not unusual. Plus I look at it as a move up, going from manipulating still images to manipulating moving ones. Which I am finding through Gnomon’s and fxphd. Though I find it funny that the more I get myself involved visual effects for the movies and TV – I also notice that I have found myself sneaking a peek back into the fine art scene. Tracking down galleries in the Los Angeles area to maybe show and exhibit my work ‘10% of Me‘. Of course I don’t feel I am anywhere ready for a show, but now that I believe I can do both. I will be working towards that. |
| I think the best birthday present I could give myself is to figure a way to eliminate or at least block the loneliness I feel. It has been 15 years since my last girlfriend and I haven’t been a on real date since 2002 so that longing to be with someone to share time together, talk, walks on the beach, just to have someone you know is thinking about you, and to be there when they need you. Well, that is all nice in the movies or TV, but it doesn’t work in my reality. In my reality I have been cut down and have had my heart ripped out and spit on. So if I could somehow remove that whole ‘empty’ part of my life, the wanting, the touch, the despair, the anger, the love, and shift that wasted energy to learning and creating some new art – whether it’s with a piece of clay, paper, camera, on a computer or film. Simply create and keep doing it. Every piece does not have to be a masterpiece, as for each piece you do builds upon the last. |
| The next 10 days are going to be a retrospect of how I got here over the past 40 years… |
